Professional wrestler Tensai has been granted a leave of absence from World Wrestling Entertainment so that he may return to his native Japan to defend Tokyo from an enormous radioactive lizard known as Godzilla.
The marauding reptile, which has destroyed Tokyo on numerous occasions over the past half-century, was last spotted tromping on a power plant, shooting laser beams from its eyes and ripping commuter trains from their tracks.
The Japanese military has declared a state of emergency and insists that only Tensai, with his trademark running turnbuckle avalanche, is strong enough to defeat the monster.
“Watashi no kuni wa hitsuyo suru,” said Tensai. A poorly overdubbed translation of “my country needs me” was laughably out-of-sync with Tensai’s mouth.
Although Tensai once held the rank of feudal Lord in Japan, he was stripped of the honorific after he failed to protect Hokkaido from an invading winged beast called Mothra. He was deported to the United States to pursue a career as a professional wrestler.
Japanese military authorities believe Godzilla can be defeated by a single, well-timed blast of green mist from Tensai’s mouth.
If, however, Tensai is outmatched by the colossal rubbery lizard, it is expected that he will enlist the help of an ally — another enormous creature called The Funkasaurus.