Paranoid survivalist Jack Parker patrols his Appalachian territory, looking for signs of the impending Y2J catastrophe.

Paranoid survivalist Jack “Grizzly” Parker remains hunkered down in a well-stocked underground shelter, worried about the mass chaos he believes could still result from the so-called Y2J Problem.

“You can’t be too cautious,” Parker said via ham radio from an undisclosed location within the Appalachian Mountains.

“The government says everything’s fine, but the Y2J Problem is real.”

Parker admits his timing was off — there was no global catastrophe on Aug. 9, 1999, when Chris Jericho first appeared on Raw following a long, ominous countdown — but insists the threat remains.

Parker believes that the Y2J Problem will soon result in a global calamity — planes dropping from the sky, financial records reverting back to zero, CM Punk drinking alcohol, etc. — and Parker says he has proof.

“Did you hear Chris Jericho’s promo right before the Royal Rumble?” asked Parker through a mouthful of freeze-dried grits.

“He talked about the impending ‘end of the world.’ If that’s not a warning, I don’t know what is.”