Professional wrestler John Cena is filing a malpractice lawsuit against his cosmetic surgeon after a procedure to repair his shattered nose left him with a proboscis practically identical to Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s.
Cena’s emergency rhinoplasty to repair the nose, which was broken by Seth Rollins’ knee, was deemed a success until the bandages were removed, revealing a schnoz that one witness described as “uncannily Helmsleyesque.”
Cena is reportedly inconsolable, and posted a cryptic tweet bearing only a frowny face and the hashtags #WorstForBusiness and #Aardvark.
According to sources in behind the scenes of reality program Total Divas, Cena’s girlfriend Nikki Bella finds the nose “gross” and is considering dumping Cena over it (when cameras are rolling, of course).
But Bella has no right to complain, since the cosmetic surgeon who performed Cena’s rhinoplasty, Dr. Bob Ponovich, is the same one who created the two most likeable things about her.