Members of an online pro wrestling forum are unanimously in awe of a user who is so well-versed in the inner workings of what he calls “the business” that he is apparently on a first-name basis with The Undertaker. 

“I think Mark has one more match in him,” wrote the commenter, whose username is ROH_ClaudioDragon69.

“He won’t retire from the Fed until he has one last match with Paul,” he added, referring to WWE COO Hunter Hearst Helmsley. 

Other members of the forum are astounded by the expertise of ROH_ClaudioDragon69, and wish they too could someday be cool enough to refer to championship belts as “straps,” and have such a commanding knowledge of “workrates.”

It is widely believed among the so-called Internet Wrestling Community (IWC) that ROH_ClaudioDragon69 must be a member of the WWE roster, given his familiarity with wrestlers’ real names, and his ability to “see what Vince (McMahon, WWE Chairman) is thinking.”

An in-depth investigation by Kayfabe News has revealed, however, that ROH_ClaudioDragon69 is actually 28-year-old Todd Menderchuk of Des Moines, a former Subway Sandwich Artist whose bedroom has a furnace and boxes of his parents’ old Christmas decorations in it.