wellness policy reigns
If these wrestling fans were asked to pee in a cup for drug testing, the cup would melt.

Despite having a heyday poking fun at Roman Reigns’ recent 30-day suspension for violating WWE’s Wellness Policy, the majority of those fans would fail the same tests, a new study has found.

The study, released today by researchers at the Ivy-league Full Sail University, reports that an estimated 94 percent of wrestling fans are “recreational, regular, or chronic users” of at least one — in some cases all — of the substances banned by WWE’s stringent policy.

While the intoxicant-of-choice for many wrestling fans is marijuana, according to lead author Dr. Robert A. Szatkowski, wrestling fans enjoy all manner of substances banned by the Wellness Policy, including:

  • The Simon System
  • Jerichohol
  • Crystal meth
  • Sexual chocolate
  • Buddy Rose Blow Away Diet Powder
  • Mattitude

The study also found that 98 percent of wrestling fans would fail WWE’s cardiovascular conditioning requirements.