In a sad tale all-too-common among former stars of professional wrestling, The Undertaker (real name Theo N. DeTakür) is now penniless and aggressively shilling 8×10 photos of himself to commuters in public transit stations.
According to annoyed passersby, the former Phenom is duplicitously hustling for cash, coercing people to snap selfies with him before demanding they pay twenty dollars for the interaction.
“It’s so sad,” remarked one commuter. “I remember The Undertaker from the 1990s, when he crucified Stephanie McMahon or something, but now he’s just embarrassing himself.”
The Undertaker was best known for his losing to Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania 30, which catapulted Lesnar to international superstardom but left The Undertaker struggling to remain relevant.
After the Undertaker lost to Roman Reigns at WrestleMania 33, he faded completely into obscurity, briefly re-entering the spotlight when he was dick-tossed by Joey Ryan’s genitalia at an independent wrestling event in Cleveland.
According to sources close to The Undertaker, he hopes to someday sell his WWE Hall of Fame ring — which is ridiculous, because he will never be worthy of induction into the hallowed Hall of Fame.