Stephen Hawking WWE Universe
Prof. Stephen Hawking poses in front of the blackboard bearing equations that don't yet sufficiently explain the WWE Universe.

Though he has decoded some of the deepest mysteries of our cosmos, renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking confesses he is “completely stumped” about the origins of the WWE Universe.

“It’s baffling,” Hawking told reporters yesterday through the speech synthesizer he uses to communicate.

“The WWE Universe seems to be governed by a completely different set of physical laws than those we understand in the Newtonian and quantum paradigms.”

Hawking, whose book A Brief History of Time sold 10 million copies and made him a scientific superstar, said he intends to devote the next several years to unraveling the vagaries of the WWE Universe.

“The WWE Universe seems to have been created from nothing — ex nihilo — about two years ago. Before then, no one had even heard of the WWE Universe — just WWE. Now it’s ubiquitous, and tremendously mysterious.”

Among the puzzles Hawking hopes to decipher: whether the WWE Universe is expanding or contracting, how long the WWE Universe will exist, and why events within the WWE Universe rarely conform to conventional logic or reason.

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