Speech therapist helps Lesnar not scream like a girl
Professional wrestler and former UFC fighter Brock Lesnar has enrolled in speech therapy sessions in order to learn how not to sound like an overexcited preteen girl when he screams.
Lesnar, a 300-pound colossus who is hyper-masculine in practically every regard except screaming, has struggled for years with a high-pitched, birdlike squawk.
After a particularly embarrassing squeal this past Monday on live television, Lesnar made the courageous decision to hire the services of renowned speech therapist Cedric Allistair.
Allistair has instructed Lesnar to “breathe from the diaphragm, pretend to be a bear, and roar from the belly instead of the tonsils.”
Lesnar has persevered through many difficult hours of therapy, frustratingly emitting a shrill variety of yowls, yips, bleats, wails and screeches.
Although he has not yet successfully hollered like a post-adolescent male, Lesnar hopes to issue a bellowing holler at WWE’s upcoming Royal Rumble event.
Once he learns how to scream, Lesnar will then focus on learning how to talk.