Monday Night Wars
WWE Smackdown is winning the Friday Night Wars against moviegoing, exercise, dating, and related social activities.

Smackdown, a professional wrestling program broadcast every Friday by World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), continues to dominate the so-called “Friday Night Wars” against its primary competition: the potential social lives of its viewers.

For nearly the past decade, Smackdown has trumped any potential Friday night social plans of millions of viewers, instead forcing them to squander social opportunities by staying home, eating Doritos and watching the second-tier rehash of WWE’s flagship program, Monday Night Raw.

Viewers have forsaken pub nights, dating, moviegoing and physical activity, instead lured into solitary inactivity by Smackdown’s easy-to-follow plotlines and comfortingly predictable action.

“Until Smackdown came around, Friday nights were traditionally seen as occasions for young people to go out and have a good time with friends,” says Harvard sociologist Dr. Lester Warden.

“The advent of Smackdown, however, has led to the desocialization of an entire demographic — typically, males between the ages of 18 and 35, as well as the cognitively impaired of all ages.”

A related study has revealed that the new WWE Network is winning the Every Night Wars against productivity and employment.