Rowdy Roddy Piper
Roddy Piper’s kilt and bagpipe music may be part of an “elaborate, decades-long lie,” reports Grantland.

After a months-long investigation, sports website Grantland published a shocking expose today suggesting that legendary professional wrestler “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, contrary to longtime consensus, might not actually be Scottish.

“Despite the kilt and the bagpipes, Roddy Piper could actually be the perpetrator of an elaborate, decades-long lie,” begins the article.

The story has sent shockwaves through the world of professional wrestling, sparking fierce debate among fans and pundits whose opinions are sharply divided over the veracity of Piper’s lineage.

The article alleges that “there exists no reliable evidence that Mr. Piper was born, or has resided for significant periods, in Scotland.” It further cites documents, obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, that indicate Piper was born Roderick Toombs in the Canadian city of Saskatoon.

Longtime wrestling journalist Bill Apter has dismissed the Grantland article as “pure nonsense,” insisting he has personally witnessed Piper playing the bagpipes on a number of occasions, which he calls “proof positive” that Piper indeed hails from Glasgow, as billed.

But the article does raise a number of questions that even the most fervent believers in Piper’s Scottish heritage are struggling to adequately answer:

  • Why does Piper’s speech bear no trace of a Scottish accent?
  • Why does he wear trunks under his kilt, despite the Scottish tradition that decrees men “go commando” under the garment?
  • Why is Piper inclined to chew bubblegum and kick ass, rather than chew haggis and kick arse?

Piper has declined to comment publicly on the controversy, but cryptically tweeted: “I’ll have all the answers when you change the questions.”