While recovering in a Detroit hospital after yet another ill-fated plunge from a steel cage, Shane McMahon pondered this morning whether jumping from tall precipices is perhaps not the smartest thing to do. 

“It really hurts, like, every single time,” McMahon told a doctor, who assured him that crashing from great heights through wooden tables is not a healthy pastime. 

McMahon insisted that jumping from cages or the TitanTron “always seems like a good idea at the time,” but he comes to regret that thinking when he has blood in his urine for the following week. 

“Maybe I should try not jumping off of stuff,” McMahon said. “I mean, it almost never works out well for me. How could it, really?”

Although McMahon seemed to have made up his mind to stop leaping from tall things, he couldn’t resist the urge to leap out of his 4th-floor hospital window onto a person he mistakenly believed to be Kevin Owens. A lawsuit is pending.