In a dastardly (but not entirely unprecedented) betrayal of the country he once protected against foreign evildoers, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) legend Sgt. Slaughter has renounced his American allegiance and joined the terror group ISIS.
“Listen up, maggots,” the pelican-jawed Slaughter growled in a video message released today on a Twitter account associated with the vile jihadist group, “I am now a loyal servant to the caliphate of ISIS, and I will crush your puny American heroes.”
Strangely, Slaughter has remained in the United States, and will continue to tour with WWE in order to spew his anti-American vitriol on weekly television.
He has vowed to “destroy the infidels” — whom he identified as Mark Henry, Big Show, Hulk Hogan and, at house shows, Jack Swagger — by defeating them with his dreaded Cobra Clutch.
Slaughter’s act of treason, while disturbing, is not entirely surprising, given the enthusiasm with which he sided with Saddam Hussein during America’s first War against Iraq.
Slaughter later renounced his affiliation to Iraq during an emotional video vignette in which he said with tear-filled eyes: “I want my country back!”
He is expected to do the same in a few weeks after several important sponsors threaten to pull their advertising from WWE due to the offensive storyline.
Military officials say Slaughter might be demoted to the rank of corporal.