With WWE Crown Jewel happening live this weekend in Saudi Arabia, a group of the country’s wealthiest princes and oil barons are excited to once again see the “circus of American buffoons” they’ve hired to play-fight for their amusement.
Because ringside seats for Crown Jewel cost $375,000 apiece, they will be occupied by the desert kingdom’s richest men, who will watch the “dancing monkeys of the USA slap and slam one another like clowns,” said one Riyadh tycoon through an interpreter.
WWE now visits Saudi Arabia several times a year, which enables WWE boss Vince McMahon to continually refill the pool of gold coins into which he dives every morning like Scrooge McDuck.
The leadership of Saudi Arabia supports the regular events from by the “muharijin almusaraeat sakhifa” (Arabic for “silly wrestling clowns,” because it serves as a “cautionary tale” against becoming too much like America.
“The audience here loves the ways the greased-up musclemen and the covered-up women of WWE jump around and slap one another and fall down,” said one government spokesperson. “It’s our nation’s favorite comedy show!”