samson sandow
Although his look is identical, Damien Sandow’s new “Elias Samson” is a dramatic departure in terms of character.

Although he sometimes gets nostalgic for his “intellectual savior of the masses” persona, professional wrestler Damian Sandow says he is enjoying his newest WWE tenure as brawling busker Elias Samson. 

“At first, the mere suggestion that I portray a mysterious minstrel seemed like preposterous poppycock,” said the erudite Sandow.

“I have come to realize, however, that I can continue to intellectually save the masses while also spiritually saving them through the power of song.”

Added Sandow: “Want to walk with Elias? You’re welcome to.”

Sandow, who has in IQ of 189 and a collection of bathrobes that rivals Hugh Hefner’s, took a two-year hiatus from professional wrestling to earn his second PhD in existential philosophy and his third in music theory. 

It is believed that Sandow will portray the “Elias” character for several months, then become a new Wyatt Family member, then get sent back to NXT, and eventually finish out his career as a member of 3MB 2.0.