Fans of professional wrestling are unanimously perplexed this week after it was revealed that Samoa Joe, unlike every other Samoan wrestler on Earth, bears no blood relation to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
“Wait, he’s not the Rock’s cousin or uncle or stepfather-in-law or something?” said one fan during the recent NXT TaKeOvEr REeDEmpSHUN event. “But… how… is that even possible?”
Samoa Joe was born Nuufolau Joel Seanoa into a family that operated a Polynesian dance troupe — not, shockingly, into the Anoa’i family, from which approximately 4,200 professional wrestlers have been sired.
Of course, even the most casual wrestling fan knows that Sika and Afa Anoa’i are brothers, the latter of whom begat Samu, Manu and the lesser-known L.A. Smooth, and Sika and Afa are uncles to the late Yokozuna, and Sika fathered Rosey, whose kin include the Tonga Kid, the late Umaga and Rikishi, the latter of whom is the father of Jimmy and Jey Uso — and, although Sika and Afa referred to High Chief Peter Maivia as their uncle, making him an honorary (if not biological) member of the Anoa’i clan, Peter did marry Samoan wrestling promoter Leah Maivia, and their daughter, Ata, married Rocky Johnson, who had a successful wrestling career, though not nearly as successful as that of his son, The Rock.
Samoa Joe, however, does not get invited to family get-togethers at the Anoa’i house, where dinner typically consists of whole raw fish disemboweled with teeth.
To avoid confusion, WWE is reportedly planning to “repackage” Samoa Joe before his main-roster debut, changing his name to SomeoneNamed Joe.