Wrestling fans worldwide are rejoicing after Samoa Joe unexpectedly confronted Kevin Owens at this week’s NXT TakeOver event, proving that even fugly pugfaced hobgoblins can achieve fame and success.
“This is aweome,” said one fan, whose neckbeard and grubby attire are inspired by Owens’.
“I had vowed to go on a diet before submitting a Tough Enough audition tape,” added the fan, “but screw that. If Samoa Joe can have moobs, so can I.”
Whereas wrestling fans used to gravitate toward larger-than-life superhero characters like Hulk Hogan — who inspired them to train and eat vitamins — the vast majority now prefer wrestlers whose corpulence and shoddy hygiene inspire them to gorge on Cheetos while binge-watching ECW retrospectives on the WWE Network.
What most of these fans fail to acknowledge, of course, is that Owens and Samoa Joe possess remarkable conditioning and stamina, whereas most fans tend to suffer shortness of breath after a few seconds of halfhearted Fandangoing.
WWE COO Hunter Hearst Helmsley, who orchestrated the hiring of Owens and Samoa Joe, reportedly has his eye on potential future NXT stars including Louie CK and the chubby guy who does webcam reviews of pay-per-views.