The chief psychiatrist for World Wrestling Entertainment announced today that the chronic bullying behavior of Ryback can be traced to the wrestler’s embarrassment and self-loathing over his comically small genitalia.
“Ryback’s shame over his undersized penis is manifesting itself in misdirected aggression toward people he perceives as having larger genitals,” said Dr. Robert Ponovich, WWE’s Chief Counsel on Mental Health.
Added Ponovich: “It’s quite Freudian.”
Ryback’s bullying has escalated in recent weeks as the muscular — yet drastically under-endowed — wrestler has shoved, slapped and mocked other WWE employees on camera.
His behavior, which is a stark violation of WWE’s “Be A Star” anti-bullying stance, clearly stems from a deep-seated sense of embarrassment over what Ryback’s ex-wife dismissively described as “a jellybean.”
One wrestler who saw Ryback in the shower described him as “like a Ken doll down there.”
Although Ryback has spent his entire life lifting weights to bulk the rest his physique to preposterous proportions, no amount of pumping iron will have an effect on micropenis.
WWE’s mental health expert urged victims of Ryback’s bullying to retaliate by pointing to his groin and giggling, which should send Ryback running away in tears.
Ryback apparently once read that a diet rich in potassium and vitamin B can result in penile enlargement, which explains the origin of his mantra, “feed me more.”