The Rock Cm Punk
The Royal Rumble match has been nixed in favor of an hour-long concert by the tone-deaf Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

World Wrestling Entertainment announced this morning that the namesake of the Royal Rumble pay-per-view — a 30-man over-the-top-rope elimination match — has been removed from Sunday’s pay-per-view to make room for an in-ring concert by The Rock.

“Quite frankly, we think the Royal Rumble match is quite passe,” Vince McMahon told reporters during a press conference at the US Airways Center in Phoenix.

“So we’ve cancelled it and replaced it with an hour-long version of the ever-popular Rock Concert. We think fans will love it.”

The concert, which Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will perform with an acoustic guitar and a complete disregard for pitch or tonality, will happen immediately before his championship match against CM Punk.

According to backstage sources, Johnson spent many hours last night writing notes on his wrist to ensure he doesn’t forget any of the zingers he intends to sing, such as: “Monkeypuss,” “Breasticles,” “Ding-Dong Dumbass,” “Vagina-pants” and “Vickie is a fat, filthy disgusting crackwhore.”

The concert is going to be “hilarious,” said one backstage source who recently suffered a brain injury.