roman-reigns wellness policy
Roman Reigns will be out of action for 60 days after failing an IQ test.

Plans for WWE’s annual extravaganza, WrestleMania, have been seriously derailed after Roman Reigns, scheduled to compete in a main-event championship match against Brock Lesnar, has been suspended for 60 days for failing an IQ test mandated by the company’s Wellness Policy.

Leaked documents reveal that Reigns obtained a “negative score” on the IQ test, meaning he is no longer legally allowed to compete in WWE, fight injustice, or walk menacingly down staircases through large crowds of people.

The company instigated mandatory IQ testing after a number of high-profile scandals revealed that many WWE Superstars were using dangerous levels of performance-enhancing stupidity to perform ill-advised stunts and hamfisted backstage skits.

WWE has a “three strikes” policy for Superstars who fail IQ tests. ¬†If Reigns fails a second time, he’ll get a 90-day suspension without pay; a third failure will mean he is released from WWE and sent back to kindergarten.

Reigns will be out of action until the end of April, which means WWE matchmakers are scrambling to find a suitable opponent for Lesnar. Until recently, Daniel Bryan seemed like the right man for the job, but then Bryan adamantly insisted on live television that he’s nowhere near the calibre of wrestler Reigns is.

While the company has yet to find a new opponent for Lesnar, many fans believe the only viable contender is a heavily armed battalion of US Navy Seals.