Rob van Dam money in the bank
Rob Van Dam is hoping to win the Money In the Bank Weedcase.

Professional wrestler Rob Van Dam, who will make his long-awaited WWE return this month, is hoping to win the Money in the Bank briefcase because it seems like a great container in which to store his marijuana.

“It looks perfect for weed,” Van Dam, an avid marijuana user and advocate, reportedly told friends this week.

“It’s a good size, it locks shut and it’s got a tight seal, so the sniffer dogs can’t smell what’s inside. Man, I really want that briefcase.”

Van Dam won a previous version of the Money in the Bank briefcase, but says it got confiscated at the Canadian border.

Ostensibly, the Money in the Bank briefcase contains a contract that grants the holder a world championship match, at a time of his choosing, anytime within a year of acquiring the briefcase.

Van Dam, however, seems to have little interest in pursuing a WWE championship at this stage of his career, and says he would probably just use the contract as rolling papers.

According to one backstage source, Van Dam has signed a unique six-month contract with WWE, which stipulates that his dressing rooms must always contain a lava lamp and five bags of Doritos.