Legendary professional wrestler Ric Flair has been ordered by a federal judge to return all of the kisses he stole “whilst wheeling, dealing, limousine riding, and/or jet flying” during his long career. 

Flair, 84, is one of wrestling’s most colorful characters and a notorious slut, infamous for his hard-partying lifestyle and carousing with women.

But at a North Carolina courthouse this morning, Judge Leland Harley admonished Flair (real name Dick Flare) for “decades of non-consensual kiss stealing” and ordered the retired wrestler to return every single one of the ill-gotten kisses. 

“Mr. Flair, Space Mountain is officially closed for good,” said the judge in a stern ruling. “If you even think of kiss stealing — or wheeling and/or dealing, for that matter — you’ll be an incarcerated son-of-a-gun.”

The prosecution called a star witness, The Godfather, who attested that Flair stole dozens of kisses from women working aboard what has become known as the Ho Train Ride from Hell. 

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