For the first time in sports-entertainment history, the conditioning and endurance of fans will be put to the ultimate test when Baron Corbin and Roman Reigns go toe-to-toe in a tortuously long and boring IronFans Match.
The winner of the match will be whichever fan in attendance at the Barclay’s Center in Brooklyn can watch the entire match without booing, chanting sarcastically, falling asleep, or going to the concession stand for beer.
The odds-on favorite to be crowned IronFan is a ringside regular known as long-haired Simon, who is renowned for his ability to stay in his seat and smirk creepily during even the dullest, most interminable matches.
According to backstage rumors, however, the IronFan Match is shaping up to be the most unbearably tedious match in decades, and is expected to go into sudden-death overtime for an additional 40 monotonous minutes.
“Only the most highly trained, mentally deficient fans will be able to absorb such mind-numbing inanity,” reads a press release issued today by WWE.
Fans wishing to train for the bout are encouraged to bore themselves silly by watching Giant Gonzalez vs. The Undertaker, Antonio Inoki vs. Gorilla Monsoon, and every previous Punjabi Prison match.