Beniot wolverine
The foamy-mouthed rabid wolverine feels persecuted for atrocities it didn’t commit.

A medium-sized Alaskan wolverine afflicted with rabies feels unfairly discriminated against because of a gruesome crime committed nearly a decade ago, thousands of miles away, by a member of a different species.

Roaming the boreal forests northwest of Anchorage, its brain gradually deteriorating from the rabies it contracted during a recent fight with a lynx, the wolverine feels unable to escape the dark reputation the world has ascribed to it.

“Sure, I’m a scrappy little carnivore with pointy fangs and a bad case of rabies,” the wolverine mumbled to itself through a foaming mouth. “But I’m not a monster.”

There was a time when the weasel-like creature was proud to be a wolverine, because his species was the inspiration for a famous comic book superhero and successful Canadian professional wrestler.

But after the wrestler committed a heinous crime, wolverines worldwide — particularly rabid ones — felt a sense of shame ascribed to their species.

“I know the rabies will eventually make me crazy and violent,” the wolverine admitted while burrowing in the permafrost for voles.

“But I’ll probably just bite a moose and get trampled to death or something. It’s not fair that, just because I’m a rabid wolverine, the world expects me to be some kind of menace to society.”