With its outlandish storylines and cult-like fanbase, professional wrestling is a “nonsensical spectacle of deceit for the gullible,” insists Calvin McCreary, an OT-Level Four Scientologist.

McCreary, who firmly believes that Galactic Confederacy Dictator Xenu seeded volcanoes on planet Teegeeack (the young Earth) with the souls of humans slaughtered by hydrogen bombs, watched a few minutes of WWE Raw this week and found it “tacky.”

Although several of his close friends are avid WWE fans, 44-year-old McCreary dismisses wrestling as “a simplistic fiction for desperate dupes,” and he pokes fun at his friends for “paying good money for such nonsense.”

McCreary was himself once an die-hard wrestling fan until, one day, a stranger on the street invited him to take a free personality test called Dianetics, during which McCreary grasped a couple of tin cans hooked up to electrodes and discovered that his Hulkamania was merely a symptom of negative engrams in his reactive mind.

McCreary is what’s known among Church of Scientology leadership as a “mark” — a fan who doesn’t realize it is all a “work. But in McCreary’s defence, the Church of Scientology practically never breaks kayfabe, and never dresses midgets up like bulls.