wwe violence
Only the programming on the bottom-middle television is fit for children or people who are faint of heart.

A new study issued this week by the American Television Council reveals that professional wrestling — once criticized as vulgar showcase of violence and depravity — is now the safest thing for impressionable young people to watch on TV.

“Between terrorism, escalating racial tensions, splintering nations and Donald Trump’s megalomaniacal rhetoric, practically nothing on TV is fit for viewers under the age of 18, or even faint-of-heart adults,” reads the report.

“Compared to the nightly horror-show of network news, the cartoonish tomfoolery of Monday Night Raw is as innocuous as an episode of Teletubbies.”

According to the study, young people who regularly watch 10+ hours a week of WWE programming are far less likely to be aggressive, angry, or sexually active than viewers of any other form of televised entertainment.

“Greased-up musclemen in spandex pretending to fight — that’s the least of the world’s worries these days,” says Prof. Bob Ponovich, author of the study.

“Frankly, the world would be a much better place if more people¬†were watching the Cruiserweight Classic right now.”