Trump tunney
President Jack Tunney has, once again, saved Americans from themselves.

Just as the rest of the world was about to entirely lose hope in the United States, former World Wrestling Federation (WWF) President Jack Tunney miraculously returned from the hereafter to avert the catastrophic presidency of Donald Trump.

Tunney, whose stern but even-handed presidential style maintained order and civility in WWF between 1984 and 1995, is being lauded by many pundits as “America’s┬ásavior.”

Tunney recently made an unexpected appearance at a Trump rally in West Palm Beach, where he decreed that┬áthe Republican frontrunner will be “suspended indefinitely for carrying himself in a crass and unsportsmanlike manner unbefitting a WWE Hall of Fame inductee.”

Just a few hours later, a mysterious masked Japanese man named “The Trump Machine” announced his candidacy for president, which Tunney conceded he would allow, despite allegations that the masked man is merely Trump in disguise.

If Trump is still somehow elected president, Tunney insists he will strip the megalomaniacal mogul of the title, and the presidency will then be decided in a wrestling tournament at Toronto’s Maple Leaf Gardens.