In a televised address to the nation today, United States President Joe Biden delivered a harsh rebuke to the “divisive and disgraceful” behind-the-scenes brawl that unfolded at a recent AEW event. 

“Violence is never the answer,” said Biden. “What happened in the AEW locker room was malarkey.” 

Political pundits were surprised by Biden’s comments, given that he has never mentioned professional wrestling before, and White House insiders say he went “off-script” instead of reading from the teleprompter. 

The AEW brawl reportedly unfolded after CM Punk went on an angry rant about AEW colleagues at a recent event, which Biden has reportedly been watching on repeat for days. 

Staring grimly into the camera from the Oval Office, Biden continued his address: “Punk was cool in ROH, but he became a huge a mark for himself in WWE. Omega can’t draw a dime outside Japan, and don’t even get me started on the thigh-slap-happy Young Bucks.”

One source close to the President says Biden is “acting kind of weird lately” because he is “overcome with jealousy that Donald Trump is in the WWE Hall of Fame and he is not.”


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