Jack tunney for presidentOn the eve of a historic American presidential election, a new poll indicates that an estimated 64 percent of voters intend to write-in Jack Tunney as their preferred president.

Tunney, a former president of the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) with an impeccable record of even-handed policymaking, is expected to win the American election via landslide protest vote.

The poll shows that the vast majority of American citizens cannot in good conscience vote for either a duplicitous she-devil or an orange-skinned carnival barker, so they are choosing an experienced and respected sports-entertainment statesman instead.

The fact that Tunney has been dead for 12 years does not seem to deter voters, since his being dead means that, at the very least, he won’t build a wall at the Mexican border or send classified information via a Hotmail address with the password “1234.”

“While I don’t agree with Tunney’s stance on the suspension of Danny Davis, I do like his ruling on the dognapping of Matilda,” writes political commentator Glen Beck. “Like most voters, I’m especially in favor of the fact that Tunney is neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump.”