In what is being described as a “catastrophic market collapse,” the global piercing industry — particularly the segment devoted to those disgusting earlobe-stretching plugs — has suffered a sudden and enormous decline in profits practically overnight.
Market analysts believe the financial crash — estimated at an 88 percent decline in piercing revenues worldwide — was sparked by the stomach-churning sight of professional sports-entertainer Randy Orton twisting the already-repulsive earlobe of opponent Jeff Hardy with a screwdriver through the piercing hole.
Hardy’s pierced lobe (commonly known as an “ear anus”) made an easy target for the sadistic Orton — who has been known to put handheld cylindrical objects where they don’t belong — during Sunday’s “Hell in a Cell” event.
Some experts believe the piercing industry will never recover from this epic collapse, similarly to how the sale of grapefruits worldwide plummeted after WWE mogul Vince McMahon likened his testicles to the citrus fruit.
The collapse of the piercing industry is likely for the best, however, because those earlobe-stretching plug things are more repugnant than what backstage medics endured during the birth of Mae Young’s hand.