Professional sports-entertainment commentator Jim “Good Ol’ JR” Ross is in legal hot water after a coalition of pet coons filed a class-action lawsuit claiming to have suffered “slander and discrimination” due to his repeated comparisons of them to mentally deranged persons.
“The phrase ‘crazier than a pet coon’ is offensive and hurtful,” a lawyer for the coons read from a statement this morning, while the coons chattered noisily and explored dumpsters nearby. “The rate of mental illness among pet coons is barely higher than that of non-domesticated coons.”
Sources close to the pet coons say they may join forces with other groups “maliciously derided” by Ross, including scalded dogs and government mules.
One government mule, who wished to remain anonymous, said it has “never been whipped before,” and that Ross has “grossly overestimated” the rate of whipping among federal, state, and municipal mules.
This is not the first time Jim Ross has been criticized for metaphor misuse; several years ago, God clarified that He, as a witness, never saw Mick Foley broken in half.