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Pepsi spokesman quits job

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The Pepsi spokesman during happier times.

A well-known Pepsi spokesperson has abruptly announced his resignation from a popular sports entertainment organization, creating a public relations nightmare for the soft drink manufacturer.

Phillip Reginald Brooks, better known as celebrity Pepsi spokesman CM Punk, has relinquished his duties as a beacon of Pepsi awareness for fans of World Wrestling Entertainment.

Brooks has long been Pepsi’s most popular spokesman among the 18-34-year-old male demographic, and his endorsement of the cola drink has also noticeably increased sales among rednecks, the barely literate, and girls with too many piercings.

For most of his career, Punk has acted as a kind of “living billboard” for Pepsi, proudly displaying the company’s logo while play-fighting with topless musclemen.

Brooks has also provided more subtle endorsements for Gillette Straight-Edge Razors®, Voice of the Voiceless Throat Lozenges®, and the band Living Colour.

Hoping to seize an opportunity for publicity, the Coca-Cola corporation approached the Iron Sheik about being a spokesman, but soon realized that he prefers a different kind of coke.


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