Rollins Mysterio
The upcoming “Eye for an Eye” match will, according to Florida health officials, “involve absolutely no eye-deballing.”

As World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) continues to sports-entertain a weekly television of millions lots amid the global pandemic, new health regulations threaten to dampen enthusiasm for an upcoming match between Reymond Mysterio Jr. and Seth Todd Rollins.

The so-called “Eye for an Eye” match — in which the victor is the man who can remove an eyeball from the other man’s occipital cavity — will now be contested with both Rollins and Mysterio wearing heavy-duty safety goggles.

“The process of removing an opponent’s eye is very challenging to do while social-distancing,” said Tallahassee Mayor Stephen Kiern.

“The only safe way for this match to occur is for both participants to wear face-coverings, safety goggles, and full-body latex condoms.”

WWE has yet to comment on the new regulations, but some sources report that Vince McMahon is “furious” and has vowed to “pluck out the eyeballs of anyone who crosses me, quite frankly.”

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