NXT full sail
NXT will soon be broadcast from the more suitable home of Harvard Universit

After nearly three years of rudimentary training at central Florida’s Full Sail University, the overachieving professional wrestling promotion NXT will soon relocate to the more befitting hallowed halls of Harvard University.

The promotion, in which up-and-coming wrestlers hone their craft as part of World Wrestling Entertainment’s so-called “developmental” system, will be broadcast from the proscenium stage of Harvard’s renowned Farkas Hall for the Performing Arts.

The transition from Full Sail University to Harvard is a major milestone for NXT, which has blossomed from an awkward and unwatchable “amateur hour” to the high-brow art form it is today.

“Harvard is a far more suitable venue for a performer of my caliber,” said NXT Champion Kevin Owens, who plans to earn a doctorate in poststructural literary theory while at Harvard. “We’ll certainly give those pretentious Yale toadies something to gripe about!”

The move to Harvard will necessitate a few changes to the viewer experience of NXT. Fans will be required to wear a jacket-and-tie (or evening gown, for the lone female fan occasionally spotted at NXT performances), and the usual raucous chanting will be replaced by a 15-minute moderated debate following each match.

Meanwhile, WWE’s other flagship program, the decreasingly popular Monday Night Raw, will be relocated to an Orlando soundstage dubbed “The Raw Zone.”