robert mueller trump
Robert Mueller (right) says the WWE Hall of Fame is “a prestigious honour not befitting a dotard like Mr. Trump.”

Although the long-awaited report submitted yesterday by Special Counsel Robert Mueller calls for no new criminal indictments, a leaked section of the report reveals the conclusion that “Mr. Trump is categorically unfit for inclusion in the WWE Hall of Fame and should be impeached from it immediately.”

While the still-confidential report is largely focused on whether the Trump campaign colluded with Russian agents leading up to the 2016 presidential election, Mueller spent several weeks looking into Trump’s dubious inclusion in the pantheon of sports-entertainment greats.

The leaked pages of the Mueller report include the following conclusions:

  • Trump has not passed the most basic requirement for inclusion in the Hall of Fame: the ability to properly sell a Stone Cold Stunner
  • Trump colluded with WWE writers prior to the 2007 head-shaving of the McMahon family patriarch in a “rigged Vince hunt”
  • Trump’s 2009 purchase of Monday Night Raw, and quick re-sale to Vince McMahon at an inflated price, amounted to criminal extortion
  • Trump’s declaration of Rusev Day as a national holiday suggests he is a Russian agent
  • Trump’s 2007 WWE match against Rosie O’Donnell was “a national embarrassment”

A WWE spokesperson issued a statement that Trump will not be removed from the Hall of Fame, primarily because “the WWE Hall of Fame is not a real place anyway.”

 

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