Miz hand goes up
The Miz struggles to understand why his crowd-silencing technique is not working.

Hollywood A-lister and professional wrestler Michael “The Miz” Mizanin was shocked yesterday when, during a live broadcast of World Wrestling Entertainment’s “Smackdown” program, the act of raising his hand did not, as he predicted, make the mouths of audience members go shut.

Quite to the contrary, in fact, the vast majority of the 16,453 mouths in attendance opened wider upon Mizanin’s crowd-silencing technique — and a significant majority of those mouths emitted a loud booing sound.

Flummoxed, Mizanin again attempted to silence the gaping mouths by repeating the phrase “When my hand goes up, your mouths go shut,” but only the same incongruous opposite effect was achieved.

Psychologists have attempted for years to understand why fans of professional sports-entertaining seem incapable of following the even the simplest directives, such as standing for the singing of the Russian National Anthem.

The Miz seems to be encountering a similar phenomenon as the one that vexed the late Rick Rude, who struggled in vain to convince fat, out-of-shape Sarasota sweathogs to be quiet while he took his robe off so the ladies could see what a real man looks like.