LJN action figures
A depiction of the main event of WrestleMania 3, as orchestrated by a grown man hiding in his basement.

Elliot Ramsay, a 44-year-old insurance salesman with an otherwise normal life, spent Sunday afternoon re-enacting WrestleMania 3 in its entirety with LJN action figure while his kids napped.

Hunkered down in his basement, ostensibly to “tidy up some things,” he began his four-hour make-believe session by pitting the six-inch rubber replicas of Don Muraco and Bob Orton against Rick Martel and Tom Zenk.

Although the action figures are formed into rigid postures, prohibiting them from accurately duplicating many professional wrestling moves, Ramsay did his best to recreate the match between Billy Jack Haynes and Hercules Hernandez. It helped, of course, that Hercules and Haynes also had rigid, unmoving postures in real life.

He used a packet of ketchup to depict Haynes getting “busted wide open” by Hercules’ chain.

Because there are no action figures depicting the midgets that teamed with Hillbilly Jim and King Kong Bundy, Ramsay was forced to use Ewok action figures and a Troll doll instead.

Ramsay accidentally woke up his children by screaming “unbelievable” when his Hulk Hogan action figure slammed his Andre the Giant action figure.

When his daughter asked if she could play with the dolls too, he snapped that “they’re action figures” and sent the girl to her room.