Perhaps no other professional wrestler has gotten more “cheap pops” than Mick Foley, but the hardcore legend outdid even himself today when he found a two-litre bottle of expired, off-brand cola for just 79 cents. 

Whereas Foley typically acquires his cheap pops by uttering into a microphone the name of whatever town he happens to be in at a given moment, which sparks a sense of local pride and causes people to cheer loudly. 

Such pandering to tribalism was not necessary this morning, however, when Foley was browsing the aisles at Discount 4U, a liquidation store near his home, right here, in Long Island, NY. 

Never one to miss a bargain, Foley continued to fill his basket with cheap Pop Tarts, cheap popcorn, cheap pop-culture magazines, and five-dozen plain white tube socks. 

Foley also purchased two bags of frozen peas to put on his knees tomorrow, explaining that after a day of shopping his limbs become so achy that he needs to “have an ice day.”

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