spanish commentary table
An artist’s conception of the wall that Vince McMahon promises will keep “bad hombres” from distracting American wrestlers.

Emboldened his friend (and former nemesis) Donald Trump, sports-entertainment impresario Vince McMahon has declared that a “great wall” will be constructed around the Spanish announce table — and that “the commentators will pay for it.”

Pundits believe the WWE honcho’s controversial promise is an attempt to curry favor with the US President, who has promised to build a wall along the Mexican border to “keep out the Mexicools, luchadores, and other bad hombres.”

McMahon said the Spanish commentators are “not to be trusted,” especially given the “clearly inferior constuction of their tables, which constantly break and create a hazardous working environment.”

The proposed wall has sparked outrage among liberal-minded wrestling fans, who insist McMahon is promoting a xenophobic agenda while giving preferential treatment to the Russian commentary team (Nikolai Volkoff and Krusher Kruschev).

McMahon insists he is only doing “what’s best for business,” since Spanish-speaking performers are notorious in WWE for lying, cheating, and stealing.

Dress smart, mark — get a shirt:  









[Thanks to Ste Dunne for the story idea!]