Vince McMahon Dixie Carter
A slightly hungover Vince McMahon publicly announces his impulse purchase of TNA.

Sports entertainment mogul Vince McMahon, after enjoying some adult beverages in his Connecticut mansion last night, impulsively decided to purchase Total Non-Stop Action (TNA) Wrestling, “just for kicks.”

McMahon carried out the entire transaction through PayPal, transferring an undisclosed sum of money (presumed to be at least $10,000) to rocker Billy Corgan, current head of the company.

The purchase included TNA’s old six-sided ring, which McMahon intends to convert into a backyard hot tub.

While he was still “feeling spendy,” McMahon also bought the first four seasons of Welcome Back KotterĀ on Blu-Ray and a new set of gaudy babt-blue blazers before passing out on the couch.

McMahon says he does not intend to fire any TNA wrestlers yet, because “they might come in handy at WrestleMania as The Undertaker’s druids.”

McMahon later insisted that he wasn’t drunk due to alcohol at the time of the purchase, but merely “drunk with power, as usual.”