In his new role as an economic recovery advisor to WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump, professional wrestling magnate Vince McMahon has recommended that economic stimulus be doled out via a “Money in the Bank” system, whereby cash is dangled over major urban centres in steel briefcases. 

McMahon was named to Trump’s Super-Great Mega-American Economic Greatness Industry Action Task Force, to advise the president on how re-open the economy, and how to fake one’s own death in a limo explosion if Plan A doesn’t work. 

By dangling a briefcase full of “economic incentive” and WWEShop gift certificates over hard-hit cities, McMahon argues, only the strongest and fittest will gain reproductive advantage for their genetic jackhammers, thus ensuring the long-term continuance of the human race. 

McMahon and Trump are longtime frenemies, having worked together — and collided with one another — at past WrestleMania events, and they both enjoy the monetary benefits of narcissistic self-aggrandizement and exaggeration. 

Trump even shaved McMahon’s head once, only narrowly avoiding having the wispy yellow candy floss shorn from his own preposterous combover.