Mcmahon hogan
Vince McMahon (left) arm-sports-entertains with the mysterious Mr. America.

More than 15 years after the brief-but-heroic WWE tenure of the patriotic Mr. America, sports-entertainment impresario Vince McMahon confessed today that he remains baffled as to the true identity of mysterious masked man.

“Quite frankly, I can’t even hazard a guess, quite frankly,” McMahon said in a manner that was quite frank.

When Mr. America burst onto the WWE in 2003, McMahon was understandably distracted by more pressing issues, such as his decision to relinquish the contract of WWE’s most legendary talent, Hulk Hogan.

Mr. America, an orange-skinned newcomer who dazzled fans by flexing biceps reputed to be 24 inches in diameter, vanquished opponents with a move-set that included a big boot, a leg drop, and occasionally a rake to the back.

Because he bore stark similarities to Hogan — identical in height, weight, and wispy blond hair — many fans and pundits speculated that Mr. America may actually¬†be¬†Hogan. McMahon, however, dismisses such ideas as “preposterous,” because Hogan was not permitted to compete.

The truth, of course, is that Mr. America was actually Dan Spivey.

 

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