Sandow savior
Without a savior, experts predict the world will be overrun by ignoramuses by 2016 (though it arguably already is).

A recent study of global IQ scores reveals that the vast majority of people on Earth — the “masses,” as described in the research — are ignoramuses in dire need of an intellectual savior.

According the study, published this week in the Harvard Journal of Sociographic Intellect, the average intellect of the masses has plummeted over the past eight months.

This decline is even more shocking when compared to a remarkable increase in global intellect that occurred between April 2012 and April 2014, as if a kind of “intellectual savior” was at work during that period.

The Harvard sociologists couldn’t pinpoint the exact cause of the decline in global intelligence, but suggest that it could be related to a number of factors such as climate change, unrest in the Middle East, and the transition of professional wrestler Damien Sandow from a grandiloquent academic to a slapstick mimic.

Regarding his culpability in the problem, Sandow (now known as Mizdow) issued only a brief statement: “You’re welcome.”

Signs of the global IQ drop are abundant: falling test scores, widespread superstition, and the continued popularity of Total Divas.