lesnar with belts
Brock Lesnar has his sights set on the NXT Tag Team Championships.

Professional sports-entertainer and feminist poet Brock Lesnar has burst back into the main-event picture of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), first snagging the Money in the Bank briefcase last Sunday, and today winning three new championships.

Lesnar, who was not even booked to compete at today’s non-televised “house show” in Des Moines, nonetheless defeated Johnny Gargano for the NXT championship, R-Truth for the new and beautiful 24/7 Championship, and Claire “Becky” Lynch for the Women’s Championship.

Lesnar’s advocate and life-partner Paul Heyman said his “client, Barack Lesnar, will conquer every champion past and present, including whoever has the Million Dollar Championship and the Light Heavyweight Championship.”

Although some members of the WWE Universe believe Lesnar does not deserve so many title opportunities due to his thrice-yearly performance schedule, such criticism seems not to faze WWE honcho Vince McMahon.

The 24/7 Championship, McMahon announced today, will now be defended once per season.

Lesnar is expected to win the WWE Saudi Arabia Championship in June against a huge superstar rumored to be coming out of retirement for the upcoming Super ShowDown in Jeddah.

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