lesnar universal
Brock Lesnar (left) will vows to turn Andromeda into “Suplex Galaxy, Bitch.”

Since winning the WWE Universal Championship at WrestleMania, Brock Lesnar has been defending the title nightly in distant corners of the universe — and the rigors of interstellar travel are reportedly taking their toll. 

Lesnar was hospitalized for “extreme dehydration, exhaustion, and time dilation” yesterday on Planet Ichnaarh in the Andromeda Galaxy, after defending his championship against the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. 

According to a Dr. Trillian Slartibartfast of the Galactic Confederation of Sports Medicine, Lesnar’s exhaustion may be partly due to a concussion he sustained while squaring off against Max Moon in the 11-dimensional hyper-squared-circle of the Ursa Minor Dwarf Galaxy Wrestling Federation (UMDGWF). 

Lesnar’s advocate Paul Heyman, who was squashed last week into a small gelatinous blob due to the extreme gravity on Planet Kepler 10-b, said his client’s undefeated streak over a 20-billion-light-year “territory” proves he cannot be beaten. 

Later this week, Lesnar will go toe-to-tentacle with The Singularity, a sentient supermassive black hole at the heart of the Crab Nebula, which will be defending it’s 38,492,387-match winning streak. 

“My client,” gurgled the Heymanblob, “will be the one in 38,492,387 and one.”


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