lesnar contract
Brock Lesnar “signed” a WWE contract by dipping its mammoth paw in ink and mashing it against the contract.

Reigning World Wrestling Entertainment Champion Brock Lesnar announced today that he has signed an extension to his WWE contract that will require him to wrestle at least — and at most — one match in the next three years.

Lesnar’s announcement comes after months of uncertainty surrounding his future with WWE, amid speculation that he may return to UFC (a theatrical spectacle in which performers enact scripted “fights” to convey simplistic storylines).

“Me stay WWF,” said Lesnar on ESPN today, mistakenly using the former acronym for the company. “Me like schedule.”

Lesnar’s new contract will require him to make at least three television appearances (all pre-taped) and compete in one match — likely against Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania 34, following three years of near-bankruptcy for WWE during the so-called Reigns Era.

The contract stipulates that Lesnar, who dislikes travel and human interaction, can choose the location of his upcoming match, so it is believed that WrestleMania 34 will be held in the wooded acreage behind his Minnesota home.

Lesnar’s exclusive deal with WWE contains a no-compete clause, which means he can’t be put on display by zoos or travelling sideshows during the span of his contract.

His advocate, Paul Heyman, is reportedly lobbying WWE Chairman Vince McMahon to make the one-match performance schedule “a little less demanding.”