lesnar ufc
Brock Lesnar answers questions from Dana White, whom he believed was Kurt Angle.

Reigning and “defending” WWE Universal Champion Brock Lesnar stirred controversy this past weekend when he appeared at a mixed martial arts event, UFC 937, but Lesnar insists he believed it was his right to crash UFC events because the promotion’s initials stand for Universal F**king Champion.

Lesnar demonstrated his rudimentary grasp of the English language Saturday when he launched into a profanity-laden tirade directed at Daniel Cormier, whom Lesnar shoved and challenged to a showdown for the UFC title (which Lesnar mistakenly believed was the title he currently holds).

Lesnar shoved Cormier, but was wrangled by primatologists before he could unleash a series of German suplexes and birdlike shrieks.¬†Backstage after the event, once Lesnar’s handlers were able to subdue him with several tranquilizer darts, the groggy “Beast Incarnate” said he was confused as to what he was doing there, and why he was attired in formalwear. He said he mistook Dana White for Kurt Angle, thought Cormier was Jonathan Coachman, and wondered why the WWE ring had eight sides and no ropes.

Lesnar, who has not defended his Universal Championship in 73 days, appeared more confused than usual when his handlers tried to explain that WWE and UFC are different organizations, and that he cannot work for one while contracted to another.

Upon hearing this, Lesnar scurried up a nearby tree and hurled feces at onlookers before being brought down with a barrage of elephant tranquilizers.

 

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