Hoping to inject some new spark into his character — which has been stagnating ever since he won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and then stopped going to work — Brock Lesnar has re-christened himself “Mr. Most Days Off.”
Lesnar hopes the nickname will accurately encapsulate how wrestling fans and his peers feel about him, given his shabby attendance record at World Wrestling Entertainment events.
Lesnar’s new monicker is obviously inspired by “Mr. No Days Off,” the nickname favored by WWE wrestler Darren Young — who, ironically, also seems to get most days off (especially Mondays).
Lesnar will grudgingly go to work for this weekend’s Royal Rumble pay-per-view, and his compensation for those 30 minutes of onscreen performance will drawf what the average American earns in a decade.
Lesnar’s WWE contract will reportedly expire this spring, at which point he will be Mr. All Days Off, freeing him to return to his first love, scrapbooking.
Asked for comment, Lesnar emitted his trademark pterodactyl shriek, earning a quarter-million dollars in the process.