The hotly anticipated grudge match between a leprechaun and a miniscule, bipedal bull is being hailed as “the match of the century” by wrestling journalists and fans alike.
Bad blood has been simmering between the Hornswoggle (a leprechaun who resides under the WWE ring) and El Torito (a pint-sized calf that accompanies a team of masked, marginally talented matadors) for months.
The feud will reach its violent culmination tonight at World Wrestling Entertainment’s Payback event, which is expected to shatter pay-per-per-view buyrates thanks to the a worldwide obsession with the leprechaun-bull showdown.
The rivalry has become so fierce and heated that each participant has agreed to a landmark stipulation: if Hornswoggle loses, he gets his head shaved; if El Torito loses, he will be unmasked. Either way, fans will witness arguably the most important moment in wrestling history.
Wrestling pundits are predicting that the match, likely to be a one-hour “broadway,” will utterly redefine sports entertainment, and have repercussions that will be felt for generations.
“This is the Gotch-Hackenschmidt of our era,” said wrestling journalist Dave Metzler. “I expect it will earn my first-ever six-star review.”
A number of other matches are on the Payback card, but nobody cares about those.