World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) is reportedly in “damage control” mode today after a batch of poster designs leaked from the company’s Connecticut headquarters revealed that John Cena is slated to main-event the next 47 WrestleMania events.

The company issued a statement this morning insisting that the leaked posters were “just mock-ups for testing WWE’s new graphic design software,” but industry pundits say this excuse is just a smokescreen to obfuscate the company’s decision to keep Cena as champion for the next four decades.

A poster for WrestleMania 39, for instance, shows Cena draped with at least five championship belts (including, inexplicably, the Divas Championship) and scheduled to square off in a main-event match against fourth-generation superstar Randy Orton Jr.

The poster for WrestleMania 78 advertises Cena in the “World’s First Literal Casket Match” against the Undertaker, in which the loser dies of old age and is subsequently eulogized and buried.

Sources within WWE report that company officials are scrambling to find and punish the source of the leak, even though the leaked posters merely confirm what the vast majority of fans had already presumed.

Fans are already placing bets on the main event for WrestleMania 41: John Cena vs. Nikki Bella in a “Alimony Payments on a Pole” match.

This is the 1,000th article published by Kayfabe News! Thanks for reading. Support the site by getting the new shirt: