Renowned singer-songwriter and occasional professional wrestler Elias [SURNAME REDACTED] has beckoned millions to “walk with Elias,” but a recent poll of WWE fans reveals that the vast majority of them would prefer to lethargically sit with Elias.
The bearded troubadour is a gifted athlete with a sculpted physique and impressive cardiovascular conditioning, which puts him in stark contrast to the average wrestling fan, who typically only has the beard in common.
Elias has even claimed that the letters in “WWE” stand for “Walk With Elias,” though the recent poll suggests wrestling fans would opt for more appropriate variations on this theme, including:
- Wiggle With Elias
- Waddle With Elias
- Wish they Were Elias
- Watch While Eating
- Wheeze With Exertion
A large number of respondents polled also said they would very much like to sleep with Elias, though it is unclear whether this was intended sexually or apathetically.